I am MUD

So a couple of days ago my cousin who is studying to be a psychologist let me take a visual logic tests designed for 8-16 year olds. The test was timed and at that time I was coming off a huge dinner where i ate large amounts of beef and drank numerous glasses of sangria. Suffice it to say, I was not in a prime testing condition.

So sitting on the floor, my cousin takes out this suitcase filled with various slides, puzzles, and a jigsaw of tests that I figured I could handle in relative ease. I am smart. Or so I thought. I mean I did graduate from college (Cum Laude/BA, but who's braggin?). I read alot. I'm well versed in a variety of subjects. I figure this will be a walk in the park.

Well this park was fuckin big. And dark. And very bushy. Oh crap.

Here is a rundown of the few tests I took.

1.) My cousin handed me a few pieces of a puzzle where the sizes were of all shapes (triangle, square, hexagon,etc.) Each piece was diagnolly half white, half red, half back etc. Then she showed me a picture of what I had to build using the pieces. Not an easy task.

Splat. My head began to hurt. Onyx (her dog) was sniffing my crotch while I did this test. Not a great way to begin. The pressure of time was also a deafening factor. It's like my brain locked up. After oh so many minutes (ok like 5) I finally got it. My other cousin (age 15) did it in under 2. Hence, an inferiority complex quickly encompassed my superiority complex. I think I need some Ritalin.

2.) A puzzle of a soccer ball (I didn't know it was a soccer ball) in which you had to piece it back together.

I timed really badly on this one. It was like in 10 different pieces and cut out in a way where you had long pieces and short pieces. I should have concentrated more. My aunt brewed up some coffee. Caffiene kick! That didn't help. I completed it in under 3 minutes. Don't ask what my young cousin did it in.

3.) This test was a collection of pictures of various things such as a house, a dog, a plant, a girl, a shoe, a bathtub, etc. But in each picture something was wrong or missing. Sorta like that whats wrong game in Highlights magazine. Except this was mega hard. Well to me. Of course my young adolescent cousin seem to do pretty well on this test.

An example. In one picture was a house with a garage in a field. The background scenery was of mountains and a lone tree stood to the left. The sun was setting in the sky. My cousin asks: "What's wrong or missing in the picture?"

After staring intently at the picture for what seemed to be ages, like a Magic Eye picture I figured it out and saw what was missing. But at that precise moment, when my brain started, my good friend blurts out: "There is no shadow on the tree". A laugh echoed from all the spectators who were now witnessing my complete and dismal humiliation. "I was gonna say that. Seriously.I knew that. Shadow on the tree."

4.) A 4 slide logic test where you had to put 4 slides in order to make a story. Each slide was a part of the story. I aced the first 2, timing in less than a minute. Then I get 4 slides of a farm where the sun is setting and some farmer and his wife are going on a picnic (hehehe picnic) and he's using a tractor and then they are hugging. OK that makes no sense to you guys reading this but trust me, like a butt monkey reading hooked on phonics i was lost. It took me 4 attempts to get it right.
Have you ever seen your cockiness of thinking your really smart just utterly drop like a nuclear bomb. You could have made a chart in Excel of my actual intelligence versus perceived intelligence. The arrow would have pointed straight down.

So I have less than the average intelligence of a 15 year old. Of couse my cousin tells me later that you can "read" into the test to see your strenghts and weaknesses. I've come to the conclusion I am not as smart as I thought I was. Hey, my IQ might be lower than my shoe size but you can test me on underground horror or pop culture and I think I could score a C.

So in a few weeks, my cousin is going to give me the adult version of this visual/audio logic test. I'm scared shitless. I want to prep. I want to study. I want to cram. This is how I passed all my classes in high school and college. Are there any tests like these online? Somebody throw me a bone here.

I must score decently. I have a rep to protect. OK I have no rep. Isn't it all about pride anyway? We all want to think we're not dumb. But guess again Sherlock...we are all not Stephen Hawking either.

Take it from me. I think I'm the only person who ever scored higher on the Verbal part of the SAT than the Math.

Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!

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Do my words offend you???

I was recently just surfing around Snopes and I came upon this interesting urban legend about the origin of the word "picnic".

Here is the claim:

Claim: 'Picnic' was a shortening of 'pick a nigger' and referred to an outdoor community gathering during which families ate from box lunches while a randomly-chosen black man was hanged for the diners' entertainment.

Of course it false according to Snopes but at the very end of the article is the following:

Meanwhile, things are not peachy on the campus of SUNY/Albany. The university wanted to honour baseball legend Jackie Robinson by having a picnic. But the university's equity office said this must not occur because the word "picnic" referred originally to gatherings held to lynch Blacks. In fact, as one of their own English professors (rather less committed to historical revisionism than RMC's Dr. Robinson) pointed out, the word "picnic" actually comes from a 17th-century French word that denotes a party at which everyone brings food. But Zaheer Mustafa, the equity officer, nevertheless decreed that "picnic" not be used because "the point is -- the word offends." So the university decided to call it an "outing." Then, homosexual students took objection to that, and SUNY decided to publicize the event without using any noun to describe it.

from National Post, 2000.

SUNY Albany, my alma mater. The equity office took up the cause to fight against the use of the word picnic because they thought it was racist? Wow, my money is being well spent (though it seems this took place in 2000) and I graduated before then. I was surprised by the reference to "one of the English professors". Who could this be??
Was it one of my old professors? Who's the professor who specializes in 17th century French words? Why didn't they teach me origins of words? This should have been part of the curriculum.

My imagination is running wild with what went on up there. I'm guessing the African Students Association got involved. Big rally in the campus center. They pased out flyers to apathetic students who just threw them on the floor. Student unity is kinda not a SUNY Albany thing. Look at the football games.

Then it says gay/lesbian students protested the word "outing". Now this has me going in all directions. Did they have a table in the Campus Center about this? Did students have to sign a petition? Did they hold a rally in front of the Fountain? Was everybody there to just see who the gay kids were? Were editorials published in the ASP? Did WCDB talk show hosts comment on this? Was this a topic of conversation in classes? Did the Times Union write an article on this? Was this homework for some class?

So they "decreed" that the word picnic offends. Nice job Mr. Mustafa. Geniuses up in the school. Thanks for teaching us that everything we think offends us, can be offensive.

Finally, what the hell do you think happened at the actual picnic? Did they have a sign that read: "1st Annual 2000 Jackie Robinson gathering of people of all races, color, sexual orientation, sex, age, class, marital status"

My oh my. That school is nuts.

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Petty Larceny

Can anybody tell me why you would wanna steal a basketball net that somebody put up on the city park's hoop's court? Why would you wanna steal this? Are you selling these nets on the street? I don't get it.

OK we all know that if you don't chain and lock up your bike and tires its gonna get jacked. Once somebody rips off the tires, where does it go? Is this guy got a source where he can take it to the bike chop shop? How about if the tire doesn't fit? Can he still make a quick buck?

Why would you steal the AI steak sauce from a restaurant? Do you really need steak sauce this bad?

Stealing stogs should be a felony. It's like stealing doubloons.

Somebody stole my last few leftover thoughts about this.
Fuckers.

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