Snow by Informer

So it snows like the Himalayas and do I get out early? No fuckin way. Work sucks. Needed to mention that for the record.

Ms. Agendacide herself, drew up a blog about the big city vs the small city. It sounds like baseball contraction but with the pending trip to Des Moines, it needs to be reiterated. New Yorkers rule...and the rest of you suck. You hillbillies just don't get it fo you? I will spell it out.
Y O U S U C K ! ! !

Five if you will understand what I mean, the rest of you.............. pray for visuals.

One saying that goes around that labels you a small towner is "Oh yeah, it's a couple of towns over."

Consider the fact that you have "towns". If you do have said "towns" then you are probably living in the midwest, upstate, downstate, over the river, through the woods, up in the hills, on the outskirts, by the lake, by the river, out in the burbs or deep in the woods.

I don't have any animosity towards the midwest or another region, i just don't see myself living outside a city. Any city. After visiting Madison, Wisconsin I kinda got the pace of life...and all the grab bag candy that goes along with it. You know....I'm just saying. Well hell. I don't know what I'm really saying. I think I confused myself.

Anyway I still stick with the you suck statement said earlier. C'mon you know it's true.

RANDOM TANGENT ALERT!

Where can I download full episdes of South Park?

END RANDOM TANGENT ALERT!

So my nephew's birthday is in a few days and I was figuring what I would name my kid if and when I got married and actually had a kid. C'mon we've all done this. This totally stems from the fact that your name (in your past childhood) probably has been made fun of. Jeff...sounds so bourgeous. Like I'm royalty. And the origin of why your parents named you is always a hoot. I'm named after Jeffrey Lyons (a film critic for NBC News). Unfortunately this film critic is just movie PR. He likes everything. So not like me.

If my kid was a boy, I was thinking Trent. Maybe Darien or Darren. I could go with Lars. Jake sounds good. Randall. It's fun to speculate.
I'm not sure about a girl's name. I'm thinking Ursula. Maybe Amber. Kendra.

As you can see I'm not very good at naming things.

Of course the same can be said about a woman taking the last name of her husband's. How about if it comes out all shitty? How about if your name was Amber and the husband's last name was Waves. Amber Waves? [See Boogie Nights]
How about Candy with the last name Kane. Oh oh.

Double of course. If I had a girlfriend, it turned all serious and it turned into a pending mariage...would she keep her surname? Should I be offended? Of course not. Atencio is not a glamorous last name. Not like Cunningham or Evangelista which sound awesome.
'
I will stay away from the double letter which is the same letter in the first name and in the last. That's usually reserved for comic book super heroes.

Finally, if you were wondering about the blog title. Yes I was conciously thinking of the song Informer by Snow. A white reggae rapper.

Remeber when white rappers where ridiculed and laughed at and not praised as artists with top movies at the box office?

End Transmission

A real American hero

Thank God for the Cartoon Network. They are replaying classic GI Joe episodes. 80's joes. Duke, Flint, Lady J, Scarlet, Roadblock, Snowjob (get your mind outta the gutter fool!), Snake Eyes, Shipwreck, Blowtorch, Cobra Commander, Destro, Baroness, Major Blood, Serpentor, Zartan, The twins Tomas and Zamont, General Hawk, Quick kick (Asians represent!), Spirit, Ripcord....you get the picture.

It was a cartoon about an ongoing war! But where nobody ever died. Classic. For every COBRA plane or ship or tank that got blown up....you always, always CLEARLY saw the COBRA soldier eject his ass and parachute safely. He probably got caught when he landed. But what if he didn't. Did he just go back to the secret COBRA lair? I mean he just can't leave a nice job like being a COBRA foot soldier.

I betcha he got a decent salary. How much do you pay a soldier? I mean I'm figuring these guys were wanna be bouncers or ex soldiers with a grudge against GI Joe. They can't get regular jobs. And they were not very smart people. COBRA probably hired ex convicts, mobsters and petty criminals. COBRA Commander, I really doubt was very picky.

And you know what? I think they got full coverage (medical, dental, probably not life though). I betcha they got paid more than what I'm making. Bastards. If somehow I fell into money I'd make a movie. It would be called "Henchman". You'd follow a typical henchman of a super evil terrorist organization that wanted to take over the world. I mean honestly. Wouldn't you watch this? I mean he might get killed in the first episode. You just don't know. And if he did, you'd have plenty of backups. This is money in the bank I tell ya.

So many classic 80's cartoons. And so many sites devoted to this. So I will digress.

Can you imagine living back in the 80's? Everybody talks about how cool the 60's was, or how fucked up the 70's was. But fuck it. I'd go back in time to 1985. I'd watch Back to the Future in the theatre and buy a Delorean (with the cocaine included). It may have been the worst decade of the century.

But it spawned the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Nintendo so it couldn't have been that bad.

Cowabunga!

End Transmission

Gilmore Girls Rapist?!?

OK who the hell searched for "Gilmore Girls rapist"? Somebody searched for this on Yahoo and somehow got my site. Not that I have a picture of the person who raped any Gilmore Girls. Or Gilmore Girls having coffee with a rapist. Or the Gilmore Girls are raping people. I am totally anti-raping of any Gilmore Girls. Though their sly wit and witty comebacks make this one of the great family comidramas on television. Who would want to rape them?

Anyway on to more fascinating tidbits of information you can read about, while smoking a stog and drinking Pepsi blue.

I'm off to Des Moines next week. That's Iowa to you city folk. Amazingly, this will be my second trip to this state capital, whose only claim to fame is it holds the record of having most of its citizens being featured on countless episodes of COPS. My job likes to have us New Yawkers, every once in a while, go to HQ. Mind you, I am a ethnocentric New Yorker. I make fun of other cities all the time. I mean seriously. How can you compete with New York? You can't. So shut the fuck up. (Sorry, got a little riled up there)

The one perk of this entire trip is the lear jet that will take my city prejudice ass to DM. Yes. A lear freakin jet. It seems the CEO has at his disposal, a private jet, complete with it's own pilot, co-pilot, airport hangar, leather seats and wood plated bathroom. When I rode on this the first time, I felt like The Trumpster. I mean this is how rich people live? Kick Ass! Everyone needs their own private aircraft.
This is so picture worthy I'm going to go nuts. I'm going to take a pic of the plane bathroom.

GIGANTIC TANGENT ALERT!

I'm so psyched to see Star Trek: Nemesis.

END GIGANTIC TANGENT ALERT!

I've realized the Internet is slowly killing me. I came in at 8:45AM and left at 7PM.
I keep having "Office Space" moments.
"Yeah, we're gonna need you to come in on Sunday"
Where the hell is my red stapler?
I don't know how to dress business casual. I dress retro casual. I don't even dress casual. I dress slacker. Retro slacker.
I really don't have any business casual clothes. I mean my best pair of shoes are grey PUMA sneakers.
Are cords business casual? How about grey socks? Corporate America may be siphoning my life force but at least I can dress badly.

When the office is quiet and you can hear the hard drive humming I come up with the strangest thoughts.
What happens if you molest a priest?
Is a 3 hour lunch to long?
Which teenage mutant ninja turtle wore the purple mask?

I think when to shy people meet, they all become tongue tied.
"Hi my name is jefgfkgfkdl;jlkhg;hlkfdjs/lfjsdlkgjdlkgjsdlfgjdfgjcgbv,bmdkjasljfd;laSJiaw"

I like to think it's because of a disease that hasn't been diagnosed yet.

I can only be coherent on this blog. Which is a scary prospect because I'm writing about Gilmore Girls rapists, lear jets and business casual attire.
It's amazing I never get tongue tied writing these entries. Perfect linear thoughts. Coherent ramblings of substance.

I think this entry is a perfect blog. It's the bottom of the ninth, 2 outs, 2 strikes. And the pitch on the way.

"dlkfgjls;fdjgfzs/gnvldfzkgnlkasueeytourehgvxc,mvalsdjg.,fn.g,xcnvlsdjfn/adsjglfhgtreljgl/xdznldskhl;
dfhglkfdsg;ldfskhg;lasdrp'qwieoqwu;djs;lzjg;shgm;gjhshjfdshglkfdjgldksfjgdsfgjjewijrqpjglfdg"

Crap.

End Transmission